I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
