it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
