ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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