I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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