I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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