i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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