ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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