Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
