kristin has been a bad kristin
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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