You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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