I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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