Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
