they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
