It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
