my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think people are normalizing furries
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
