my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
