omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
