In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
