i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
