I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
