Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
