Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
