i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
