We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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