i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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