how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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