I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
