I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
