This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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