there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
