she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
