I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
