its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
