Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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