so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
