doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
