I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
