you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
