So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
