Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
