what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
