I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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