Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize