dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
