Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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