I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
