I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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