Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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