i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
