I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
