My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
