the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What a dumb baby whore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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