If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize