News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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