We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
