I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
