I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
