Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
