Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
