This is not my ceiling
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
