I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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