I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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