HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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