Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
