blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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