i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
