My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
