from now on my penis is your penis
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
