did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
