remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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